The Wedding of the Century
11/9/02
I hate the way
Things are going today
I’ll say it tomorrow
As I did yesterday
You think you’re tired of the complaining?
Well, I’m tired of a life
That’s draining me
Of my spark and curiosity
The headless horseman’s loose
And he’s gaining on me
I’m failing left, right, and upside-down
I’m thinking ‘bout killing everyone in this town
We all have the best of intentions
When hopelessness is the mother of invention
I’m rotting from
The inside out
Yeah, that was the stench
You were asking about
Like a jack-o-lantern
A week after Halloween
My edges are curled
And my innards picked clean
And the candle that once lit my eyes
Has since formed a puddle
Speckled with dead flies
I know how you feel, the next round’s on me
You know this shit’s gonna kill us eventually
Enough about you, let’s talk about me
And will you be home for the wedding of the century
Happy
2/25/03
Today this town is filled with rain
Thank God it’s not like this everyday
The raging wind, the cold and dark
Might as well have moved to New York
But the smell of wet pavement brings with it
Thoughts of dying Midwest dreams when it
Seemed to rain almost every other day
But still not enough to wash my blues away
CHORUS
The rain brings all the blackness to the ground
And the sky looks magnificent for fifteen minutes
It burns your skin but you don’t make a sound
‘cause there’s only one law in this town
And you best not break it:
If you’re not happy, well, you better learn to fake it
So I’m left wondering what I’m doing here
Spending too much money and another year
Thinking too much about what’s gone wrong
And trying to use it in another rip-off song
It seems I’m watching my life go down the tubes in this
Plastic crap factory of assholes and boobs
If I happen to make it, well, what would that mean?
That I’ve turned to shit like everyone else I’ve seen
BRIDGE
The building was too old
It caught the wrecking ball
Like the starlet-turned-harlot
Selling cell phones at the mall
You forget why you came
You start doing whatever pays
The dreams start out looking the same
But in the end they break
In a hundred different ways
Junior High
9/29/01
I’m a fatass motherfucker
I wish you could see
That way you’d know
It’s not as easy as you think to be me
Then maybe you’d be a little more kind
And you’d try not to mind as much
When I say the things I do
See, I’ve never had had any professional help
I’ve only had myself
And I’m pretty good in a pinch
But sometimes that’s not enough
And my, how stuff builds up
I try harder than you know
Just to appear to be kind
And then it’s misinterpreted
A lot of the time
Until I’m rendered a villain
A bad caricature of myself
All exaggerated features
A twisted little elf
Which just makes me want to be that
Or at least not try so hard anymore
Greatness has its downside
Just like blandness has its up
You see, Einstein couldn’t balance his checkbook
Steven Hawking’s in a wheelchair
Jesus never called home
Lex Luthor had no hair
Well, we all know I’m not Jesus
Although some say I have his eyes
I’m just asking for a little leeway here
I think the time’s about right
I’m just begging for some understanding, dear
Because I never got over junior high
You & Your Six Sleeping Brides
1/24/03
Driving drunk again
Hoping somehow you hit a friend
Then you could talk about the old days
As the squad takes you away
And you meet your respective ends
You’re on a suicidal mission
But your own death-defying vision
Seems to always pull you through
You hold your breath ‘till you turn blue
But you just pass out in the kitchen
CHORUS
Oh son
All the things you had are gone
Your dreams never will come true
They’ll all up and turn on you
Isn’t it fun
To kiss the barrel of a gun
It makes you want to crawl inside
You and your six sleeping brides
You wonder how it got this way
You were fine just yesterday
But then the darkness settled in
And put an olive in your gin
And invited himself to stay
Thought you can finally see the light
But you’re a loser who can’t fight
The things you think but never say
Never quite blow you away
But leave you wound up nice and tight
BRIDGE
And my, my
How time does fly
You sit and watch
Life pass you by
You try and try
To take a stand
But you’re a paraplegic
In a one man band
There’s no cymbal crashing for you
‘cause you’ve got no hands
You’re wishing you were danger-prone
You pray to God when you’re alone
The ladder’s always propped to the roof
But it seems you’re bulletproof
And everybody’s just chucking stones
Feeling up the furniture
You love how the splinters hurt
But the stinging always ends
But still lasts longer than your friends
And not quite as long as her
Standing naked in the mirror
Your one and only fear
You cut off all your moles
And pour lemon juice in the holes
And dare yourself to shed a tear
Model your new death-wish grin
Sit around inventing sins
When you finally feel inspired
You’ll head straight down to the fire
And they’ll all ask you where you’ve been
Scene From an Alaskan Draft Board
12/02
I’ve got 60 different words
Reserved for unrequited
And a snowhouse filled
With popping pills
For the depressed
And the slighted
And a hole in the ice
That I use for
Peeping on the fishes
And a golden frame
Around a lion tamed
And a hat full of
Dirty wishes
I think you should know
I’m a different kind
Of Eskimo
I cast evil spells
And bark at your dogs
I don’t like the cold
Or your homemade eggnog
You can sell me down the river
In the name of a girl
But I’m all I’ve got
In this cold fuckin’ world
A tax is levied
Against eyelids heavy
Forced to close down
And leave this sleepy old town
Paralyzed limbs
You’re riding on rims
Dead on arrival
In the game of survival
The truth stings
Just like the choir sings:
Big and echoey
And slightly out of tune
Filling shallow hearts
But never the room
I can barely fight for me
Why in the hell would I fight for you?
Find some other blood-thirsty stooge
To do what you’re too afraid to do.
Song For Mr. Novelli
11/26/02
Dangle your feet from the ledge
You think danger gives you an edge
In a town where the sun always shines
Like a high school cheerleader who smiles all the time
Beat you chest like all the rest
But don’t put your theories to the test
You’ve been beat, but it’s a yellow bruise
Keep saying you coulda been the next Tom Cruise
CHORUS
You’re the awesomest dude in the neighborhood
Yeah, the awesomest dude in the neighborhood
You’re the awesomest dude in the neighborhood
And don’t you forget it
Your pager’s always on
But no one’s beeped you in years
Inside the Actor’s Studio
Always brings you to tears
The Lego stage is set
Paper flags unfurl
The world’s your oyster
And you’re its cultured pearl
BRIDGE
Go on and kid yourself, but this is your real life
With your retard kid and your fatass wife
Go on and wish yourself into a dream
But when you wake up
It’ll all be worse than it seemed
Something Good
11/29/01
So the building collapse
With our hands in our laps
Trying to write something good
Poison-pen letters
Could it get any better
‘cause I’m trying to write something good
I’m a mediocre writer
Whose teeth could be whiter
And I’m trying to write something good
Wishing for disaster to strike
Or at least a tax hike
‘cause I’m trying to write something good
and I’m told bad times make you write good
BRIDGE
It seems I’m fucked
‘cause I suck a duck
I’m a rusted out truck
Stuck in the muck of
Writing the same song again and again
Night after night losing a fight
With myself over copyright
Maybe I’m scared, but I probably don’t care
Enough to ever write something good
I’m a wicked imposter way down on the roster
And I’m trying to write something good
So I drank some good absinthe and I bought a bad synth
Trying to write something good
I think I’ll blow my brains out right under the drain spout
Because I can’t write something good
No, I’ll never write anything good
Missed
12/01
Where did you go?
Must’ve blinked too slow
The things I try to do you never see
And the words I try to say you never hear
Are calling long-distance tonight
My dear
And when they find you
Drinking in the blue
Will you run into the cellar and lock the door
Or will you uncross your arms and receive them?
Will you be so kin as to tell me you
Believe them?
I’m spinning wheels
I’m rolling on heels
I’m twiddling thumbs
I’m feeling dumb
That’s all he wrote
A borrowed line, a borrowed note
But just know this one thing more
As I sing this, as you walk through the door
Forgive me for this song and more
It’s just I never missed anyone before
New Year
12/3/02
You rock your chair
And spin your wheels
Pull your hair
And try to feel
But you’re all alone
In the haunted house
You set the trap
But miss the mouse
And the clock ticks
As your teeth will sit
Floating in the jar
The time to
Pull away is gone
This town’s just chess
And you’re a pawn
You fling your trash
And moan your blues
And that’s all you can seem
To stand to do
Your knees bruise
But that’s old news
And no one’s tuning in
CHORUS
So you smoke
To stay thin
As you go
Slowly round the bend
And you drink
In the wind
And you wait
For the end to the film that
Puts you to sleep
And leaves you
Bleeding in your seat
But you pray
For the chance
To come back
And try it again
BRIDGE
Even with the scene you’re making
No one is taken in
By your
Righteous belly-aching
They all know that
You’re faking it
Why don’t you just keep quiet and go away
But the life that you’re stuck living
Has taken much more than it’s given
I guess it’s just the price you have to pay
For sticking around when no one
Wants you to stay
All the stars line up
And the wind, it turns
The dead rise up
And the sky burns
Fireworks fly up
To the sky
Flip the page on the calendar
Prepare to die
But you’re still here
In the new New Year
Though you don’t
really know why
Tonight on FOX
9/9
Magic’s biggest secrets
Finally revealed
And I’m still looking for a heartache
That conceals as it heals
And despite all evidence to the contrary
Please, now, don’t be pissed
If I should accidentally let it slip
That I’m a recovering optimist
I think things are going to be
All right after all
It’s written in the leaves
Of your hometown in the fall
And though we’ll never completely
Rid ourselves of all this bullshit
I think we can learn to survive
With our cups half full of it
Lights are gonna turn green
Liars are gonna come clean
Yeah, we’re all gonna say
Just what we mean
Can you see it?
Close your eyes and make believe
You see it
The time is gonna come when you will see it.
There’s no poker in the cards
Anymore
Fancy fingerwork, mystical movement
And a fake lock on the door
The truth
Is always
Just a curtain away
Take a look and you may
Change your mind and actually want to stay
All lyrics by Corey Landis
©2003 Corey Landis, Landisongs
14 OLD MESSAGES (2005)
Postcards
I'm still fifteen in my mind
Still trying to put the past behind me
Hoping that when I see the light
At the end of the tunnel
It won't blind me
The time of postcards from friends has since gone
It seems everybody's all moved on from me
They say it's the way of things
So I'm trying not to let it
Bother me
But the penmanship in this book
Just gets crazier and crazier
Like Nixon when he hit Watergate
I fear that I'm becoming
Lazier and lazier
I'd like a steak
But I'm too tired to masticate
Where are all the fairweather friends
Who said they'd say,
"I knew him when".
I'd take fake pleasantries over bitter
Reality any day
After all, that's why I moved to L.A.
Going Home
I've been thinking about leaving town
I went back to where I grew up
And I saw an apartment for rent
Now I'm just looking for you to convince me
I ain't broke, just a little bent
Yeah, I need for you to keep me around
'Cause I've got lots of things left to do
And I can't do them in that broken-down place
Where everyone's old
And can't seem to place my face
And you settle comfortably into
Your sleepy, warm, wood-panalled Xanadu
I'd leave but I don't know where to go
I keep going home with less and less to show
And all the people I used to know
They don't seem to know me
And now the snow is inviting me to stay
But time's more noticeable
With the changing of seasons
I swear I see the results
But I can't find the reasons
Yeah, there's always something in my way
So Long
Right away
You take advantage of your right-of-way
Like you're a housewife and it's dollar days
You think you're here to stay
But underneath
You're ashamed of what you've been bequeathed
You think it's time the demons were unleashed
At anyone that's in your way
But all the times you thought you were right
You were wrong
So tonight it's time to say
So long
So drink it up
Like it's RC in a plastic cup
You try to figure where you fucked it up
But your short-term memory's gone
Your therapist
Says all-in-all she thinks she's got the gist
You want the knife but you can't take the twist
And you keep asking what you've done wrong
You're confused
You're messed up
You've got no business calling bluffs
No matter what you misconstrue
Your finger will always end up pointing at you
Homeless With Me
Let's give it all up
You and me
Let's see the parts of town
No one ever sees
Let's leave everything behind
Except for a note
We'll take a 99 Cent Store shopping cart
And put on all our coats
We'll pick poison berries
And aluminum cans
We'll make a fort from
An abandoned, rusted-out van
'Cause it can't get much worse
Than it is no
I've taken as much shit
As I can rightly allow
So tell the apartment, the car,
And the job that I'm leaving
'Cause I could sell my soul twenty times over
And still not break even
I'll survey my lair
From atop my particleboard chair
It'll be like we're Amish
With the homemade soap and the facial hair
Do you wanna be homeless with me?
Would you like to naps under a tree?
You'll always have all you need with you
And it's true what they say:
"It's a long way to the top"
But the bottom's not so far away
Confessions of a Cruise Ship Captain
Not enough hours in the day
To say the prayers I want to say
Time passes and I watch my sanity
Slip away
I think I'm gonna do something crazy
Like I always wished I had
My past is coming back to haunt me
And all the good times are going bad
I'm gonna blow up a building
I'm gonna fall to my knees
I'm gonna watch from the distance
As the clouds fall into the sea
What was together fell apart
Now I'm right back at the start
And I try to be forgiving but still
Bulletproof my heart
Maybe this place is slowly killing me
But it's the only place that I'd want to be
I may be suffering
Day to day
But it's better than pissing my life away
And I think it's great you're mentally-healthy
With a smile always on your face
But you must not be looking too closely
As you survey this place
'Cause this place is evil, this place is wrong
And I find it hard to go-along-get-along
And based on all the things I've seen
Chicken fingers aren't fine cuisine
My Baby Shouldn't Be Allowed to Drink
You slept on the bathroom floor
Mumbling to yourself
Billy Joel's "Big Shot" kept
Popping into my head
Another victim of trendy cocktails
And the thing air up there
In old Bel Air
You warmly embraced the porcelain
And wished aloud you were dead
You were fine at the party
Despite all the vodka-and-Red Bulls
But when you hit the car you were gone, quick as a wink
You said, "Call Topher up right away
And tell him he and Jeff Probst were
The hosts-with-the-mosts."
My baby shouldn't be allowed to drink
My baby shouldn't be allowed to drink
I'm holding her hair back as she vomits in the sink
And I'll stay right by her side
'Till she's in the pink
But my baby shouldn't be allowed to drink
Old Friends
Old friends, what'll we do?
'Cause something's changed here
And I can't tell if it's me or you
All we have anymore is the past
The plug's been pulled
And I'm wondering how long
The pulse will last
Everyone grew up and old
And fat and tired and slow and cold
Now they all live down on Memory Lane
Where they still tilt their heads up
To catch some rain
The only think they keep are their haircuts and trophies.
State of the Union
What is this world coming to?
Sea of red and hearts of blue
And you know it has something to do with you
Where did it all go South?
Who put those words in my mouth?
And how can we get clean from
The shit in which we're doused?
It was all used up years ago
We may still be steaming ahead
But the coals barely glow
So we spend time going back and forth
And to and fro
And we're still too afraid to find out
What's stowed below
There's a light on in the farmhouse
Just over the hill
The grass moves in the same wind that cools a pie on the windowsill
And kids are coming home from school
It's dusk in America
And there's nothing new left to do
But go through the motions and fall out of bed
Claim it's amnesia when you fuck up your head
And you can't recall where you're going
Or know where you've been
Just quietly passing through
Looking forward to the end
Shine
On this moonlit night
The sidewalk glows
Like it's the "Billie Jean" video
And I'm Mike with his old nose
And everywhere I step begins to shine
Lie down, I'll step on you
I'm gonna make you mine
You're all neon and pink
Like it's "Money For Nothing"
You're walking, you're tripping
A blue-streak you're cussing
If you think you're losing track of yourself
Well, so am I
But if I crawl into your warmth
I think I'll get trapped and die
How on earth did we end up here?
Another year, bobbing for crumbs
In a glass of beer
They're calling for a change in the weather
If not tomorrow
Then definitely next year
Because I'm reeling from the exhaustion
Of trying so hard
I'm just gonna let
Dandelions grow in the yard
But if I cut myself
Will you be there to catch the blood?
I'm full up on style but I'll take some
Substance if I could
Once I was Duran Duran
In the breeze, tan, on a boat
Now I'm gritting my teeth
With a perennial lump in my throat
But still, everywhere I step begins to shine
Lie down, I'll step on you
I'm gonna make you mine
The Other Shoe
I wanna strangle you
I wanna make you pay attention
So that you will have no doubt
About my true intentions
And in between your stifled screams
I'm asking you, I'm begging you
I'm not as bad as I seem
You know it's true
You know you do
But you just smile and say everything is fine
And it's comforting for a moment but I wish you'd stop
And as we go on about our day just killing time
You know I'll be waiting for the other shoe to drop
No, I don't think you quite get it
How deep my love is for you
I try in vain to make you see
You're in everything I do
But you're too quick with your reply
It's like a game show host's kiss
You're too eager to deny
That somewhere, something has been missed
Even people who live in the dark
End up bumping into things
You're circling like a shark
Who can't admit it's blood-thirsty feelings
And I'm living on the edge
Waiting for the push
Come on, honey, get on with it
I'll try to land in a bush
Springtime In Reverse
Drop me a line when you get this
Right me as soon as you've heard
What's become of me
And my disheveled mind
And the line that was once straight but now blurred
I'm aching to hear from you, darling
I'm in desperate need of a friend
Even the worms in my brain have all left me
With nothing but this message to send
Now don't get the wrong idea
Don't let your ego inflate
We had such a chemistry
That when we got together
We began to immediately disintegrate
But I'm still desperate to see you
I keep wondering how you are
And how it might've been If we'd just continued
Admiring each other from afar
I can just see your lips begin to purse
When reports flood in of the sick heart I nurse
And though they all said
You could've done worse
I know when we were together was like
Springtime in reverse
I'm gonna hit the bottom
I just don't know how soon
I start to hit the bottle
Each day around noon
You're in my nightmares
Between every scream
But more and more I see you
creep into my dreams
Drop me a line when you get this
Write me when you've hatched a plan
How to start this all up
Once again from the top
And not pull the same old shit again
I'm tired of cutting myself up
I'm tired of bleeding in vain
I'd rather have you and all the mud to tromp through
Then to never again have rain
You and Salieri
The negative has been flipped over
All your scars are on the other side
Everything's been turned inside out
And now there's no place left to hide
And you don't look familiar
Not even to yourself
The tide is in and you're buried in sand
Watching the waves leave with your wealth
And you're feeling far from merry
Drinking on Christmas with a ghost
Just you and Salieri
And a self-deprecating toast
Someone must've sneezed too hard
'Cause the facade is tumbling town
You think the maps must change every time it rains
'Cause you keep getting lost in this town
You're sleepwalking again with an itchy
Finger on the trigger
Wishing for someone to fall into you
As the hole inside gets bigger
Your wasted time flickers in the candlelight
In the periphery of the scene
Nearly out of view
But enough to remind you
To find a cliff off of which to careen
You're starting to think twice about underdogs
Like you never have before
You thought you were smart
But you're just the guy at the party
That keeps on talking 'till everyone's bored
Now the grass has been tucked in
Beneath a lumpy, white quilt
and you can see yourself in the stony eyes
Of the showman that you built
And you try to cultivate details
Out of the broad strokes
As you go around replacing batteries
In the things you know are broke
Red
This whisky needs chasing
My throat is getting dry
My heart is racing
I think I'm gonna die soon
With just the cool breeze and the moon
Someone, bake a razor in my pie
So I can tunnel through
I can see you there
Without a care
Drowning in the dew
Running out of steam
Slowing to a halt
Creeping along
And I'm almost sure
It's not my fault
We're just like birds that nest in the stoplights
Just because it's warm
You don't mind the incessant blinking red
'Cause you're protected from all harm
All lyrics by Corey Landis
©2005 Corey Landis, Landisongs
